SMALLEST RESIGNATION LETTER

World’s

Smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

***(((0)))***

TAMIL CARTOON

clik the image to view full-size
Thanks To: Tamil Magazine >> THUGLAK

APPLICATION INVITED...

Applications Invited For Girl Friend

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts)

I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...

please this is urgent (only females)

Applications are invited for the following post.


The package and incentives are mentioned below:
Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) :• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• bike rides each duration 1 hour
• trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining


The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Please


NOTE:
1. Only females.


2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.


3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.



There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected. Search never ends!!Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age.Photo must be in attachment to the email address via
e-mail

Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

BUTT

i happen to see this picture in the book called "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" .

and put the same here for you too.

HOW TO AVOID ACCIDENT?

OVER TIME WORK - THEN AND NOW

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(((0)))

CLEVER SALES KID

The best sale ever

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a

big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many sales did you make today?”
The kid says, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid says, “$101,237.64.”
The boss says, “$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?”
Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and
he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”

The boss said,
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”
Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, ’

Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing.’

USELESS ASSUMPTION

ASSUMPTION

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him,

"How much do you earn

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs.2000 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed 6000 bucks cash and gave it to the young man and said,

"Around here I pay people For working, not For standing Around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, and now just GET OUT and don't come back"

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few on lookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,

"And that applies for everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,

"Who's the young man that I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came of,

"He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!!!"

As you know the moral is very clear, Assume Nothing

MALE BRAIN

I HAVE RECIVED THIS PICTURE THROUGH AN E MAIL ..
STATING THIS IS HOW THE MALE BRAIN LOOKS LIKE OR THINKS LIKE....??
I AM NOT SURE WEATHER,THIS INFORMATION IS RIGHT OR WRONG !!??
SO,I AM LEAVING THIS TO YOUR CHOICE.

OBSERVATION

The art of observation !

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse,

he addressed the class:-
“There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class.


After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.


“Second,” the professor continued, “You must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse’s anus, but licked my index finger?”

INTERVIEW

A FUNNY INTERVIEW

Officer : What Is Your Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Tell Me Properly

Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Father’s Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Native Place

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer : What Is Your Qualification?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?

Candidate : Metric Pass

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : And What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir

Officer : Describe Your Personality

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly

Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Is It Now

Candidate : My Performance….?

Officer : Mp !!!

Candidate : What Is That Sir..?

Officer : Mentally Puncture.

***********************************************************************************

THE WOMEN RULES..

17 Rules Between Men and Women

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

*****(((((())))))*****

CHILD UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MARRIAGE

Child's View of Marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

6WEEKS,6MONTHS,6YEARS.

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.

6 months : Of course I love U.

6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.

6 months : BACK!!

6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.

6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.

6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

6 months : Here, for you.

6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!

6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?

6 years : AGAIN!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.

6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.

6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.

6 months : You bought a new dress again???

6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound?

6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?

6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home??

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

6 months : I like this movie.

6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

WHO WILL MAKE COFFEE IN THE MORNING?

WHO DOES WHAT?

'A man and his wife were having an argument about

who should brew the coffee each morning.'

The wife said, - "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, - " You are in charge of cooking around here andyou should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, - "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, - "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible,- and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it is indeed says........................ "HEBREWS"

SARDARJI JOKES

Sardar at bar in New York.

Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”

Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”

Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

***********************************************

Boss : am giving you job as a driver.

STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k ?

Sardar : U R great sir!

Starting salary is o.k…….but?? how much is DRIVING salary…?

***********************************************

Sardar’s theory : -

Moon is more impartant than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed

& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

***********************************************

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.

Sardar thinks “how poetic”Sardar says,

“pass the custard you *******”.!!!

***********************************************

Two sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working,

he puts his head out and says YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…

***********************************************

Sardar shouting to his girl friend ”

you said we will do register marriage and cheated me,

I was waiting for you yesterday whole day in the post office….

***********************************************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach.

He cuts its 1 leg, andsays, “chal”, it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….”

Finally he wrote the conclusion………….

“after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf……”

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ” tamil theriuma??”

Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”

***********************************************

Two sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardarji 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sardarji 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

***********************************************

A sardar on an interview for the post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank you sir for giving me the job,

I will start investigating…….

***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’,

but in the exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ .

he replaced friend with father in the essay and>

it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

***********************************************

Interviewer: what s your qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….

***********************************************

Amitab (koun baneka): In which state Cauvery flows?

Sardar : liquid state…..Audience clapped

Amitab stunned, looks behind,

ALL WERE SARDARS…….

***********************************************

Boss: Where were you born?

sardar : Punjab ..

Boss : which part ?

sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

***********************************************

Two sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

***********************************************

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

***********************************************

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto.

A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for two wheelers.

***********************************************

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have bus pass with me.

***********************************************

Sardar joined new job.

1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

***********************************************

On a romantic day sardar’s girl friend asks him.

Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from land line or mobile.

***********************************************

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours.

Do you want to see anyone before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

***********************************************

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

***********************************************

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I’m falling in love.

***********************************************

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

***********************************************

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man.

He has lost his head. Is he crying?

***********************************************

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.

He got irritated…drank poison & said,Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

***********************************************

Banta: YOU cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

***********************************************
In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

***********************************************

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

***********************************************

GIRLS ..

GIRLS TYPES

Hard Disk Girls:She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls:She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls:Difficult to access.
Server Girls:Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls:She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls:Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

BACHELORS

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !! -Anonymous

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. -Scottish Proverb

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a tenyear married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eyeopener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

-Anonymous

I asked my wife, ” Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?” She said,” Somewhere I have never been !” I told her, ” How about the kitchen ?” -Anonymous

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. -Anonymous

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. -Anonymous

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.” -Anonymous

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs…..”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course… At least he’ll shut up after u let him in! -Anonymous

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled ” It really works ! “