WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR '2010'

My Dear Friends,and Readers,

i heartfully wish you a peaceful and prosperous 'NEW YEAR'
Also wish you....

What ever dream and wish you may have..
Let it come true in this new year - '2010'

HUMAN CREATIVITY

The creativity of the human brains..out of 24 hrs..it think in one dimention.Any how Great creativity.

JOKES OF THIS WEEK

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For Ever

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,So I could have a new one everyday.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

MY BOSS !!!

GLOBAL WARMING

MATHS IS FUN

GOOGLE SEARCH 4 U

ENVIRONMENT

LIFE AS A BALANCE SHEET

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Trading A/c
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade

Patience is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Balance Sheet
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Achievements are our Capital
Soul is our Fixed Asset

Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill

Experience is our Premium Account
Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment

Children are our Bonus Issues
Heart is our Current Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Some very Good and Very bad things ..
The most destructive habit……. …….. …..Worry
The greatest Joy……… ……… ……… …Giving
The greatest loss…….Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work…….. ……Helping others
The ugliest personality trait……. …..Selfishness
The most endangered species….. ….Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource…. ……… …Our youth

The greatest ’shot in the arm’…….. .Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome…. …….. …Fear
The most effective sleeping pill……. Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease….. …….Excuses

The most powerful force in life…….. ………. Love
The most dangerous act…… ..A gossip
The world’s most incredible computer…. ….The brain
The worst thing to be without….. ……… ….. Hope

The deadliest weapon…… …….. ……..The tongue
The two most power-filled words……. …….. ‘I Can’
The greatest asset……. ………. …….. ….Faith
The most worthless emotion…. ……… ….Self- pity

The most beautiful attire…… ……… ……..SMILE!
The most prized possession.. …….. …..Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication. ..Prayer
The most contagious spirit…… ……… ……Enthusiasm

Life ends; when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends; when you stop Believing,
Love ends; when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing…!!!

OUR DAILY LIFE

MOUTH ZIP,

ZIP IT!!
Many people need zip in their mouth...
So That we can stop hearing Lies,Ill words,falt findings,bad odour,ugly teeth,
and more importantly can stop Artificial laughing...

FUNNY INTERVIEW

interview : a funny story !!!
One of the best IT interviews!!
IT 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY……..!!!

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.


Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) - “I can not
invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said - “I
will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.


Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.


Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.


Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!


Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.


Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’
education itself was so much of pain!!


Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)


Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.


Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!


Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.


Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!


Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.


Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hotfixes’,
‘SEI-CMM’,'quality’,'versioncontrol’,'deadlines’ , ‘Customer
Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!


Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don’t mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?


Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to *****.


The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of ****.

E- MAIL ID

Wrong email ID:

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, without realizing his error, he sent the mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen

which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 22 Feb 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!

FINDING GOD

There were two brothers aged 12 and 8.

They were very naughty and people went with complains to their parents.

Getting fed-up they took them to a psychiatrist.
Doctor first called the 12 year old and asked him ” Tell me where is God?”
The boy didn’t answer. Doctor again asked in a loud voice, “Tell me where is God?”
The boy suddently ran out of the clinic and seeing him the other brother too followed. He asked his brother “Why he was running away?”
The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinks that we did it.”

MARRIAGE DEFINITION

' THE SIMPLEST WAY TO EXPRESS ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE DEFINITION '

THROUGH THIS PICTOGRAMS

HEART TRANSFER

Ownership of Heart

Their was a couple for love. where the boy promised his girl that the heart is only dedicated to her not for any one.

For Some years girl went for further studies when she returned after some years ago she saw his boy friend was with another girl.


Immediately stopped him & questioned how he forgot the promise given to her?
Boy:-’See gal I had been undergone an OPEN HEART SURGERY so !!!.

REASON FOR DIVORCE

Reason being meaningful conversation or?!

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.”
The attorney asked, “Well, do you have any grounds?”
The farmer replied, “Yeah. I got about 140 acres.”
The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?”
The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer said, “Yeah, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said,
“Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney asked, “Okay, let me put it this way.

WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer replied,
“Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her!”

COUPLE HOW TO HIDE?

HOW BUSY ARE YOU ?

MANY Amoung us are are always seems to be very busy...!! Is'n it?
No free time even for Their Natural Calls ? (which is suppose to be Natural..or at ease)
Do we really need to be that much busy or we are lacking the Time Management?
This picture is for your Eyes... to trigger your thought process..

Note:- if you feel , you are lacking Time Management Skills..
I will Encourage you to vist this given link to Learn Some Tips for your Time Management.
>http://innerresourcemanagement.blogspot.com/2009/04/managing-your-time-tips.html

MY RICH FRIEND

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend!
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and.....

Question : What would you like to have...?

Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?

Answer : Tea please

Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?Answer : Ceylon tea

Question : How would you like it? Black or white?

Answer : white

Question : Milk, or fresh cream?

Answer : With milk

Question : Goat's milk, or cow's milk

Answer : With cow's milk please.

Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?

Answer : Um, I'll just take it black.

Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

Answer : With sugar

Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?

Answer : Cane sugar

Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?

Answer : Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.

Question : Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?

Answer : Mineral water

Question : Flavored or non-flavored

?Answer : I think I'll just die of thirst

CARRYING WIFE PHOTO'S

Wife : You always carry my photo in your hand bag to the office.

Why?

Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

MOTHER TONGUE

Pappu, while filling up a form:

Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

husband and wife joke

A wife asked her husband:

What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?

He looked at her from head to toe and

> > replied: I like your sense of humour.

LITTLE BOY ADVICE..

Little boy sitting next to a Priest

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered."I am the Father of many."

The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said."I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."

SMALLEST RESIGNATION LETTER

World’s

Smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

***(((0)))***

TAMIL CARTOON

clik the image to view full-size
Thanks To: Tamil Magazine >> THUGLAK

APPLICATION INVITED...

Applications Invited For Girl Friend

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts)

I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...

please this is urgent (only females)

Applications are invited for the following post.


The package and incentives are mentioned below:
Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) :• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• bike rides each duration 1 hour
• trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining


The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Please


NOTE:
1. Only females.


2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.


3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.



There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected. Search never ends!!Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age.Photo must be in attachment to the email address via
e-mail

Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

BUTT

i happen to see this picture in the book called "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" .

and put the same here for you too.

HOW TO AVOID ACCIDENT?

OVER TIME WORK - THEN AND NOW

v

v

v

v

V

V

V

V

V

V

(((0)))

CLEVER SALES KID

The best sale ever

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a

big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many sales did you make today?”
The kid says, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid says, “$101,237.64.”
The boss says, “$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?”
Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and
he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”

The boss said,
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”
Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, ’

Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing.’

USELESS ASSUMPTION

ASSUMPTION

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him,

"How much do you earn

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs.2000 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed 6000 bucks cash and gave it to the young man and said,

"Around here I pay people For working, not For standing Around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, and now just GET OUT and don't come back"

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few on lookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,

"And that applies for everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,

"Who's the young man that I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came of,

"He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!!!"

As you know the moral is very clear, Assume Nothing

MALE BRAIN

I HAVE RECIVED THIS PICTURE THROUGH AN E MAIL ..
STATING THIS IS HOW THE MALE BRAIN LOOKS LIKE OR THINKS LIKE....??
I AM NOT SURE WEATHER,THIS INFORMATION IS RIGHT OR WRONG !!??
SO,I AM LEAVING THIS TO YOUR CHOICE.

OBSERVATION

The art of observation !

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse,

he addressed the class:-
“There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class.


After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.


“Second,” the professor continued, “You must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse’s anus, but licked my index finger?”

INTERVIEW

A FUNNY INTERVIEW

Officer : What Is Your Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Tell Me Properly

Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Father’s Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Native Place

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer : What Is Your Qualification?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?

Candidate : Metric Pass

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : And What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir

Officer : Describe Your Personality

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly

Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Is It Now

Candidate : My Performance….?

Officer : Mp !!!

Candidate : What Is That Sir..?

Officer : Mentally Puncture.

***********************************************************************************

THE WOMEN RULES..

17 Rules Between Men and Women

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

*****(((((())))))*****

CHILD UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MARRIAGE

Child's View of Marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

6WEEKS,6MONTHS,6YEARS.

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.

6 months : Of course I love U.

6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.

6 months : BACK!!

6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.

6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.

6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

6 months : Here, for you.

6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!

6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?

6 years : AGAIN!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.

6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.

6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.

6 months : You bought a new dress again???

6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound?

6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?

6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home??

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

6 months : I like this movie.

6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

WHO WILL MAKE COFFEE IN THE MORNING?

WHO DOES WHAT?

'A man and his wife were having an argument about

who should brew the coffee each morning.'

The wife said, - "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, - " You are in charge of cooking around here andyou should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, - "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, - "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible,- and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it is indeed says........................ "HEBREWS"

SARDARJI JOKES

Sardar at bar in New York.

Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”

Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”

Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

***********************************************

Boss : am giving you job as a driver.

STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k ?

Sardar : U R great sir!

Starting salary is o.k…….but?? how much is DRIVING salary…?

***********************************************

Sardar’s theory : -

Moon is more impartant than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed

& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

***********************************************

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.

Sardar thinks “how poetic”Sardar says,

“pass the custard you *******”.!!!

***********************************************

Two sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working,

he puts his head out and says YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…

***********************************************

Sardar shouting to his girl friend ”

you said we will do register marriage and cheated me,

I was waiting for you yesterday whole day in the post office….

***********************************************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach.

He cuts its 1 leg, andsays, “chal”, it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….”

Finally he wrote the conclusion………….

“after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf……”

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ” tamil theriuma??”

Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”

***********************************************

Two sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardarji 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sardarji 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

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A sardar on an interview for the post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank you sir for giving me the job,

I will start investigating…….

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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’,

but in the exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ .

he replaced friend with father in the essay and>

it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

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Interviewer: what s your qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….

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Amitab (koun baneka): In which state Cauvery flows?

Sardar : liquid state…..Audience clapped

Amitab stunned, looks behind,

ALL WERE SARDARS…….

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Boss: Where were you born?

sardar : Punjab ..

Boss : which part ?

sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

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Two sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

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Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

***********************************************

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto.

A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for two wheelers.

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Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have bus pass with me.

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Sardar joined new job.

1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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On a romantic day sardar’s girl friend asks him.

Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from land line or mobile.

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Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours.

Do you want to see anyone before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

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How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

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Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I’m falling in love.

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Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man.

He has lost his head. Is he crying?

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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.

He got irritated…drank poison & said,Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

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Banta: YOU cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

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In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

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GIRLS ..

GIRLS TYPES

Hard Disk Girls:She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls:She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls:Difficult to access.
Server Girls:Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls:She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls:Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

BACHELORS

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !! -Anonymous

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. -Scottish Proverb

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a tenyear married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eyeopener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

-Anonymous

I asked my wife, ” Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?” She said,” Somewhere I have never been !” I told her, ” How about the kitchen ?” -Anonymous

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. -Anonymous

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. -Anonymous

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.” -Anonymous

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs…..”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course… At least he’ll shut up after u let him in! -Anonymous

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled ” It really works ! “

Guide to U.S. Newspapers

US - NEWS PAPERS AND ITS READERS THINKING...

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.


3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.


4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.


5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.


6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.


7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.


8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.


9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.


10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

STUDENTS AND TEACHER JOKES

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?

FRANK : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong

GLENN : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE : Me!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?

GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE : I is…

TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

LOUIS : Because George still had the axe in his hand.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;

__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher

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Source:-http://humour.blog.co.in/

'THE MISER WAY OF LIFE'

LOYAL WIFE

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, ‘When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.’

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ‘Wait, just a minute!’

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, ‘I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’

The loyal wife replied ‘Listen, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.’

‘You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?’

‘I sure did’ said the wife. ‘I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it..’

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