" NOW,SOMETHING SERIOUS "

LET US NOT HOLD BACK OUR RIGIDITY.
LET US RELAX HERE AND NOW..

THIS BLOG IS INTENT ONLY TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.WHO IS VERY SERIOUS AND ALMOST FORGETS THE JOY OF LIFE,THE LAUGHTER.THE VERY PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO LIVE IN HAPPINESS.
NONE OF THIS SUBJECTS/CONTENTS IN THIS BLOG ARE MEANT TO HURT/AGAINST ANYONE'S BELIEF SYSTEM.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

OSHO


I LOVE MANY MASTERS.ONE OF MY ALL TIME MASTER IS 'OSHO'.
WHO USES LAUGHTER AS ONE OF HIS MEDITATION TECHNOQUES AND THERAPY.SO I LOVE TO SHARE FEW OF THEM HERE.

1. "How much for a roast beef sandwich?" asks Little Feenie Finkelstein, standing in Chicken Chopper's Sandwich Shop."Two dollars," replies Chicken Chopper, from behind the counter.
"How much for a cheese sandwich?" asks the little Jew.
"One dollar," replies Chicken." What about a ham sandwich?" asks Feenie.
But before Chicken Chopper can reply there is a loud clap of thunder in the sky overhead.
Feenie Finkelstein falls to his knees, looks up at the sky and prays out loud, "Okay! Okay! -- I was only asking!"

2. One mahatma, a great saint, died -- must have been someone like Muktananda. One of his followers died the next day. When the follower reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have been given all the joys that only heaven can provide.
"And then suddenly he saw Muktananda underneath a beautiful tree... with whom, do you know? -- with Sophia Loren! Sophia Loren sitting in his lap, both naked, hugging each other! The follower fell at the feet of Muktananda. He said, "Guru Deva, O Great Master, I always knew that you were the greatest master; now I am seeing with my own eyes. God is so pleased with you, he has given you Sophia Loren as a reward!
"Muktananda looked very angrily at the man and said, "You fool, stop talking nonsense! You don't understand a thing. She is not my reward, I am her punishment!"

3. A Polack is badly injured in a car crash and he has to have a brain transplant. A team of surgeons put him to sleep, remove his brain, and go into the next room to get a new one. But when they return to the operating room, the Polack is gone.
The police search everywhere for him but without success -- he has vanished. The doctors contact the international police and they check throughout the world for a brainless Pole.
Finally, five years later, they find him. He is wearing silly robes and a big hat and is living in the Vatican!

4. Rodney, the eldest son of a respectable Boston family, announced to his shocked father that he intended to live with his swishy boyfriend on Beacon Hill."Damn it, Rodney," the parent responded, "our family came over with John Winthrop, and we've never had a scandal such as this.""I can't help it, father, I love him.""But for God's sake, son, he's Catholic!"

5. St Peter challenged the Archangel Gabriel to a game of golf. St. Peter's first drive resulted in a hole-in-one. Gabriel's first drive produced the same result The same thing happened at the next shot.
St. Peter looked at Gabriel thoughtfully and then said, "What do you say we cut out the miracles and play some golf?"

6. A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing how they "divined" what part of the collection money each retained for personal needs and what part was turned in to their respective institutions.
"I draw a line," said the minister, "on the floor. All the money I toss in the air -- what lands to the right of the line I keep, to the left of the line is the Lord's."
The priest nodded, saying, "My system is essentially the same, only I use a circle. What lands inside is mine, outside is his."The rabbi smiled and said, "I do the same thing. I toss all the money into the air and whatever God grabs is his!"

7. The distraught young man was perched on the fortieth-floor ledge of a midtown hotel and threatening to jump. The closest the police could get was the roof of an adjacent building a few feet below. However, all pleas to the man to return to safety were of no avail. A priest from the nearest parish was summoned, and he hastened to the scene.
"Think, my son," he intoned to the would-be suicide. "Think of your mother and father who love you.""
Aw, they don't love me," the man replied. "I'm jumping!" "No! Stop!" cried the priest. "Think of the woman who loves you!"
"Nobody loves me! I'm jumping!" came the response."But think," the priest implored,
"think of Jesus and Mary and Joseph who love you!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph?" the man queried, "who are they?
"At which point the cleric yelled back, "Jump, you Jew bastard, jump!"

8. Rabbi Greenberg died and went to heaven. He saw only three people there, reading by a dim light. One of them was Madjibhai Morarjibhai Desai who was reading PLAYBOY,
the second one was Ayatollah Khomaniac -- he was reading GALLERY --
and the third was Pope The Polack who was reading GENESIS. And they were all reading very religiously.
He could not believe his own eyes. First he could not believe that there were only three people in heaven, and then he could not believe they were all religiously reading PLAYBOY, GALLERY, GENESIS -- and reading so religiously, as if they were reading the Gita, the Koran, the Bible.
He decided to see what hell was like. The rabbi got to the Devil's domain and it turned out to be a big night club with every kind of music being played. There was an eight-piece Dixieland band, a thirty-piece swing band, and all the people were dancing.
Rabbi Greenberg went back up to heaven and asked for an audience with God.
"I don't understand it, Lord," he . said. "There are only three people in heaven and they are all reading, and they are all reading things which should not be read, and they are reading them so religiously. I am amazed! I am surprised! And down in hell everybody is dancing and having a good time! And these three people look so sad and so ugly.
Why can't we have some music in heaven, some dance in heaven?
"The Lord said, "I can't hire a band just for these three stupid people!
"Repression, control can only make you stupid. And remember, even if you go to heaven you will smuggle some old copies of PLAYBOY, GALLERY, GENESIS, because here you missed them. They are bound to go with you. Here you were reading the Gita, the Koran and the Bible; here you were repressing. It is easy to repress in a life of seventy or eighty years, but in heaven it is infinity. How long can you repress? How long can you sit upon a volcano? Sooner or later it is bound to erupt.

9. A man who was a salesman of dictionaries and encyclopedias was telling the woman, standing on her doorstep, "This is the latest encyclopedia. You and your children, all will be benefited by it." But she said, "We have it already. You can see, there in the corner."The man looked in the corner. There was a book of the same thickness. He said, "That is not an encyclopedia, that is the HOLY BIBLE." The woman could not believe it -- from that far, how could he judge that the book was the HOLY BIBLE? She said, "That amazes me. You are certainly a man of knowledge. How could you manage to see that that is a HOLY BIBLE?"He said, "Anybody can conclude that, seeing the layer of dust that has gathered on the Bible."

10. Paddy NcNaughty went to confession: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"And what is it that you have done, my son?"
"I made love to one of the girls in the village."
"My God!" said the priest, "and which of the village girls did you commit sin with?"
"Ah, Father, that I cannot tell."
"And if you will not tell me, then I shall not give you absolution."
"Ah dear!" said Paddy."Was it Molly O'Flaherty?" asked the priest.
"No, it was not Molly O'Flaherty."
"Then was it Flora Fitzgibbons?""Ah no," said Paddy,
"it was not Flora Fitzgibbons.""Was it Maggie Muldoon, then?" persisted the priest.
"Ah, sure no, it was not Maggie Muldoon."
"Then who in heaven's name was it?"
"Ah, sure, Father -- that I cannot tell."
"And if you don't tell me I shall not give ya absolution."
"Ah, Father, that's too bad!" said Paddy and walked out of the confessional.
His friend, Michael, was waiting outside. "Well, Paddy, did ya get yar sins forgiven?"
"No," said Paddy, "but I got the names of a few good broads!" .

Sunday, September 21, 2008

What Is Marriage?

What Is Marriage?
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and ' suffering.'
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is 'self-defense.'
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. BECAUSE,
They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman becomes one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall way lights on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?
The other replied, YES, I AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an advertisement in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundreds of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Monday, September 15, 2008

HOBBY


A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day for her, she gave her self-intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and their hobby.
She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting. Well, Ok.
Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.”Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok

next.”Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere.
Ok next.This continues... and the last boy stands up
“Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”
Exhausted, the teacher said, “I don’t think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.

Anyway, now the girls please.”
First girl: I am Julie and my hobby is to see birds.Teacher: Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.
Second girl: I’m Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.
Teacher: Now it’s like educated grown up girls. Ok next.

You sweet girl. Yes you...
The Most beautiful girl of the class: Ma’am, my name is BUBBLE,
and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

Friday, September 12, 2008

TRUE LOVE

Girlfriend:
And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend:
Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Hearing Problem!


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.


He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted

for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.


The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor

and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be

really pleased that you can hear again."


The gentleman replied, " Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations.

i have changed my will three times!

I AM RELAXING


PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB ME.

I AM JUST RELAXING.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

SARDARJI JOKES

HOW CAN WE IGNORE SARDARJI JOKES !!
WITHOUT THEM, WE REALLY MISS SOMTHING.
LET US NOT MISS IT.
======================================




*A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a womengives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!.
*A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all relatives beat him. Why? He said As usual "SMILE PLEASE"


*Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".




*Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........
WHY?Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

*Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure of ,
what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

*One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knowwhy? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
*A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is following me.

*Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 croreafter deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crore or else return my20 Rs back.!

*A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricketmatch. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. What He wrote is -"DUE TO RAIN,NO MATCH!"
*Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....

*What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
*Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'. Sardarsaid: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year.
*Why can't sardars dial nine-eleven (911) at emergency? Becoz, they can't find the eleven on the phone.
*Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says: Drink quickly.Wife asks: why?? Sardar says: hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.

*A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked:How'll you divide, you've 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply nextyear.

*Sardar's wish: when i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving....
*Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
*Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
*Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a Graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
*A man asked Sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening , not inthe morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
*Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. Hiswife asked: what you are doing? He said: i'm seeing how i look whilesleeping.
*A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,but he always started reading from the middle.
*A friend of him asked why he did so? "It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "to start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginnig ".

Judge's Decision

There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. The relationship between the couple was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.
So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid, in the hearing in the court. It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked "Son would you like to stay with your mummy?"
Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" :(( So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?" Kid said, "No, papa beats me" :(( Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do...
after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child......
And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with......
any guesses??
come on I know you can make it......

ok here goes the answer


The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they
NEVER NEVER NEVER BEAT ANYBODY!!

This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but as unable to pay the fees. The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee,the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money". Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything". This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history .

LETS LAUGH