HOW MANY ISSUES?

how many kids will you have? it all depends on your hubby's job....

Four husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives birth giving.

Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,

"Congratulations, you got twins!". "Oohh.. maybe its a coincident!" said the daddy. "I am working with the Petronas Twin Towers!".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,

"Congratulations! You have triplets!" "Wooow!, this is a coincidence too." said the second daddy."I am working for 3M Corporation.

"Another nurse came out and told the third daddy,

"Congratulations! Your wife got quadriplets!" "Thank God! Maybe this is also a coincidence.""I work in the Four Seasons Hotel."

The fourth daddy-to-be was very worried.

All the 3 daddies asked him, "Why are you so worried??"

He answered, "I am working @ Seven-Eleven!"

NEWTON'S LOVE LAW FOR TODAY

Newton in Romantic Mood

Universal law of Love: " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law of Love: " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

Second law of Love: " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

Third law of Love: " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

HOW TO MANAGE TELE-MARKETER

IN OUR TODAY , THE SO CALLED MODERN WORLD WE HAVE DEVISED MANY MANY INTRUMNETS DUE TO THE ADVANDAGE OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY.NO DOUBTS ALL THESE TECHNOLOGY BROUGHT US LOT OF COMFROTS AND CONVENIENCES.BUT AT THE SAME TIME ONE CAN NOT REFUSE EVERY ADDITIONAL COMFORTS WILL ALSO BRING ANOTHER ADDITIONAL OF A DIS-COMFORT.

ONE OF SUCH ITEMS ARE MOBILE PHONE AND THE CALL FROM THE UN-KNOWN TELE-MARKETERS.THAT TOO WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY IN A MEETING/DISCUSSION OR IN THE TRAFFIC...THEY REALLY MAKE YOU IRRITATED AND SPOIL YOUR MOOD.HOW TO AVOID THEM ? JUST TRY THESE IDEA'S...

8 Ways To Scare A Telemarketer

1. Ask him to talk v-e-r-y slowwwwwwwwly, tell him that because you want to write down every word he says

2. When he introduces himself (eg "John"), immediately say, "Wah piang eh!, John! Long time no see, How are you? How is your life going on? Are you still living in that same old place?" This should stun John for a while, as he scrambles to remember where he might know you from

3. After he finishes marketing spiel, tell him he must marry you first before you sign on

4. If he says he's Ah Boon Sheng from XYZ Pte Ltd, ask him to spell his name first. Once he finishes then ask him to spell his company name. Then ask him where it's located. Continue asking him personal questions or questions about the company until he gives you up

5. Insist that caller is actually your friend Ben, playing a joke. "ello, Ben, Don't like that leh! Stop playing this fool! I know its you!!! Seriously, Ben, How is your Mom doing? Is she out from the hospital yet?" and talk more till he ends your call

6. After he finishes his pitch, say in very creepy voice, "Thank you for calling me. I don't have many friends...do you want to be my friend?"

7. If he asks, "How are you?" Tell him, "Wah Lau, got so many problems. My fish all died in my fish tank, then my mother and father had this big arguments until the neighbours called the police, and then lagi worse, don't know why, but my right leg was itching the whole day, so I went to the clinic and then..." continue until you hear beep beep beep from the other end

8. Tell him you're busy at the moment, and ask him for his home number so you can call him back. He'll try to give you his office number, but insist on his home number as you will be busy whole day can call only night. When he says he can't give his home number, ask him, "you don't want some funny stranger calling you up at home and disturbing you, is it?"

JOKES-AH BENG'S

Ah Beng's Jokes

1.Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My MobileNo. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310.
Now it is 66102.

2.Ah Beng: I am so Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

3.Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game/Match.

4.Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

5.Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know?
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD!
U have come again.

6.Ah Beng complained to the police: -
"Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
"Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."

7.Ah Beng comes back To his car & find a note saying
"Parking Fine"He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
"Thanks for compliment."

8.How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
at the board.

9.Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. !!
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand
it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

10.Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up andSays "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

11.Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

12.Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "you will go to jail"

13. Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!
"Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

14. A man asked Ah Beng, why Prime Minister goes walking in the
Evening and not in the morning. ?
Ah Beng replied Prime Minister is PM not AM.

FAMILY PROBLEMS

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,

'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.'

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...

I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, Talking about love marriages...

I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my

grandmother.

More

problems occurred when I had a son.

My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..

And you say you have family problems...

PAIN

Doctor Joke
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?"

asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little morespecific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,

"Ow, that hurts."

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,"Ouch! That hurts, too."

Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, evenTHAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her hisdiagnosis,

"You have a broken finger."

FUNNY PICTURES FOR YOU

THE TREE HAS AN EYES,BUT THE BIRD IS NOT HAVING IT SEEMS....SO?

BECAUSE THE BIRD IS SITTING ON TOP OF THE SIGN BOARD ITSELF,

WHICH CATIONS THE BIRDS NOT TO STAND THERE.

CHILD QUESTIONS FATHER?

Daddy...How was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?

' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway !

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...

You'll love this ....

---- 'You Got Male!'

FUNNY PICTURES

SEE THIS FUNNY PICTURES.HOW DO YOU FEEL? LET ME KNOW IT.

WHAT IS FOR DINNER?

What is for Dinner?

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think mywife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you.

"The old man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,"What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for Supper?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf bastard!

"Moral: Before you blame others, Make sure that you are free from flaw..

AIR-CONDITIONER

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

FUNNY PICTURES FOR YOUR EYES

SEE ALL THESE FUNNY PICTURES.HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE PICTURES.IF YOU TOO HAVE SUCH COLLECTIONS FEEL FREE TO MAIL ME.SO THAT WE CAN SHARE TO ALL.

YOUNG BOY IS GETTING HIS HAIR CUT

A young boy is getting his hair cut in a barber shop and the barber whispers to his waiting Customer-

"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.

" The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then shows it over to the boy and asks,

"Which do you want, son?

"The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves after he got his hair cut.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber.

"That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?

Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?

" The boy licked his cone and replied,

"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER"

Moral: When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

'FUN IN MARRIAGE'-JUST FOR JOKES

Marriage Stories

"Marriage - Part I"

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady.

And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:-

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It.

Those are my rules. Any comments?

"His new bride said,

"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night… Whether you're here or not.

=========================================================

"Marriage ,Part -II"

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:-

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever."

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:-

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.

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"Marriage,Part- III"

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either." And storms out of the house.After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?

"She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

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"Marriage ,Part - IV"

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,

"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six’?”

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

==========================================================

"Marriage,Part -V"

The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM.

" He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

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ELEVEN PEOPLE AND A ROPE

Eleven People And A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.As so on as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands…

BLIND MAN IN A BAR

Blind Man In A Bar

A blind man enters a blondes bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice,

"Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

“One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

“Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

“Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

“Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

“Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude!

“Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?

"The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."