NOW,SOMETHING SERIOUS !!

James Bond-007 Vs Telgu Guy

2010-06-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy..
Both were traveling to US.
Telugu Guy : “Hello, May I know ur name please?”
James Bond : “I am Bond.. James Bond.”
James Bond: “and you?”
Telugu Guy : “I am Sai… Venkata Sai… Siva Venkata Sai…Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…. Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai …Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..”
James Bond FAINTS.

Advt. Vs Reality

2010-04-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

The Leela's of the So called Flase Swamiji's

2010-03-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

This post i got it from face book. The Swamiji and their dualism come to an end today.The So called Swami Nithyanda era has come an end.The media's are still very busy to bring outs many hidden truth behind these false spiritualist.

*In the above picture the senior fakes are inviting the young and dynamic fake swamiji... and he expects the other master to join inn.

Thanks to> 'Vinaivu website' (Tamil)

FUNNY

2010-03-07T00:16:00.000-08:00

Funny people always think in terms fo funny thing.

This is the creativity of that funny mind.

The Poor Man Storey

2010-02-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

A poor man catches a fish,
But his wife can not cook due to no gas,
no spices/provisions, no oil.
man put the fish back into the river.
fish comes up and shouts
" CONGRESS ZINDABAAD "

Thanks to my orkut friend-Aanand Holkundi

Who understand what?

2010-02-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

"The BABY does not understand ENGLISH
And the DEVIL knows LATIN "

No Gain,Without Pain

2010-02-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

Heated Gold Becomes Ornaments,
Betted Copper Becomes Wires,
Depleted Stone Becomes Statue.

So, the more pain one get in his/her life; He/She will Become More ' VALUABLE '

WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR '2010'

2009-12-31T08:32:00.000-08:00

My Dear Friends,and Readers,

i heartfully wish you a peaceful and prosperous 'NEW YEAR'
Also wish you....

What ever dream and wish you may have..
Let it come true in this new year - '2010'

HUMAN CREATIVITY

2009-12-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

The creativity of the human brains..out of 24 hrs..it think in one dimention.Any how Great creativity.

JOKES OF THIS WEEK

2009-08-13T00:51:00.000-07:00

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For Ever

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,So I could have a new one everyday.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

MY BOSS !!!

2009-06-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

GLOBAL WARMING

2009-06-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

MATHS IS FUN

2009-06-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

GOOGLE SEARCH 4 U

2009-06-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

ENVIRONMENT

2009-05-31T04:46:00.000-07:00

LIFE AS A BALANCE SHEET

2009-05-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Trading A/c
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade

Patience is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Balance Sheet
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Achievements are our Capital
Soul is our Fixed Asset

Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill

Experience is our Premium Account
Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment

Children are our Bonus Issues
Heart is our Current Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Some very Good and Very bad things ..
The most destructive habit……. …….. …..Worry
The greatest Joy……… ……… ……… …Giving
The greatest loss…….Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work…….. ……Helping others
The ugliest personality trait……. …..Selfishness
The most endangered species….. ….Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource…. ……… …Our youth

The greatest ’shot in the arm’…….. .Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome…. …….. …Fear
The most effective sleeping pill……. Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease….. …….Excuses

The most powerful force in life…….. ………. Love
The most dangerous act…… ..A gossip
The world’s most incredible computer…. ….The brain
The worst thing to be without….. ……… ….. Hope

The deadliest weapon…… …….. ……..The tongue
The two most power-filled words……. …….. ‘I Can’
The greatest asset……. ………. …….. ….Faith
The most worthless emotion…. ……… ….Self- pity

The most beautiful attire…… ……… ……..SMILE!
The most prized possession.. …….. …..Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication. ..Prayer
The most contagious spirit…… ……… ……Enthusiasm

Life ends; when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends; when you stop Believing,
Love ends; when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing…!!!

OUR DAILY LIFE

2009-05-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

MOUTH ZIP,

2009-05-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

ZIP IT!!
Many people need zip in their mouth...
So That we can stop hearing Lies,Ill words,falt findings,bad odour,ugly teeth,
and more importantly can stop Artificial laughing...

FUNNY INTERVIEW

2009-05-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

interview : a funny story !!!
One of the best IT interviews!!
IT 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY……..!!!

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) - “I can not
invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said - “I
will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’
education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hotfixes’,
‘SEI-CMM’,'quality’,'versioncontrol’,'deadlines’ , ‘Customer
Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don’t mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to *****.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of ****.

E- MAIL ID

2009-05-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

Wrong email ID:

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, without realizing his error, he sent the mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen

which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 22 Feb 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!

FINDING GOD

2009-05-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

There were two brothers aged 12 and 8.

They were very naughty and people went with complains to their parents.

Getting fed-up they took them to a psychiatrist.
Doctor first called the 12 year old and asked him ” Tell me where is God?”
The boy didn’t answer. Doctor again asked in a loud voice, “Tell me where is God?”
The boy suddently ran out of the clinic and seeing him the other brother too followed. He asked his brother “Why he was running away?”
The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinks that we did it.”

MARRIAGE DEFINITION

2009-04-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

' THE SIMPLEST WAY TO EXPRESS ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE DEFINITION '

THROUGH THIS PICTOGRAMS

HEART TRANSFER

2009-04-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

Ownership of Heart

Their was a couple for love. where the boy promised his girl that the heart is only dedicated to her not for any one.

For Some years girl went for further studies when she returned after some years ago she saw his boy friend was with another girl.

Immediately stopped him & questioned how he forgot the promise given to her?
Boy:-’See gal I had been undergone an OPEN HEART SURGERY so !!!.

REASON FOR DIVORCE

2009-04-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

Reason being meaningful conversation or?!

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.”
The attorney asked, “Well, do you have any grounds?”
The farmer replied, “Yeah. I got about 140 acres.”
The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?”
The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer said, “Yeah, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said,
“Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney asked, “Okay, let me put it this way.

WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer replied,
“Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her!”

COUPLE HOW TO HIDE?

2009-04-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

HOW BUSY ARE YOU ?

2009-04-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

MANY Amoung us are are always seems to be very busy...!! Is'n it?
No free time even for Their Natural Calls ? (which is suppose to be Natural..or at ease)
Do we really need to be that much busy or we are lacking the Time Management?
This picture is for your Eyes... to trigger your thought process..

Note:- if you feel , you are lacking Time Management Skills..
I will Encourage you to vist this given link to Learn Some Tips for your Time Management.
>http://innerresourcemanagement.blogspot.com/2009/04/managing-your-time-tips.html

MY RICH FRIEND

2009-04-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend!
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and.....

Question : What would you like to have...?

Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?

Answer : Tea please

Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?Answer : Ceylon tea

Question : How would you like it? Black or white?

Answer : white

Question : Milk, or fresh cream?

Answer : With milk

Question : Goat's milk, or cow's milk

Answer : With cow's milk please.

Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?

Answer : Um, I'll just take it black.

Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

Answer : With sugar

Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?

Answer : Cane sugar

Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?

Answer : Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.

Question : Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?

Answer : Mineral water

Question : Flavored or non-flavored

?Answer : I think I'll just die of thirst

CARRYING WIFE PHOTO'S

2009-04-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

Wife : You always carry my photo in your hand bag to the office.

Why?

Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

MOTHER TONGUE

2009-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

Pappu, while filling up a form:

Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

husband and wife joke

2009-04-06T11:36:00.001-07:00

A wife asked her husband:

What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?

He looked at her from head to toe and

> > replied: I like your sense of humour.

LITTLE BOY ADVICE..

2009-04-02T10:39:00.000-07:00

Little boy sitting next to a Priest

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered."I am the Father of many."

The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said."I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."

SMALLEST RESIGNATION LETTER

2009-03-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

World’s

Smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

***(((0)))***

TAMIL CARTOON

2009-03-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

clik the image to view full-size
Thanks To: Tamil Magazine >> THUGLAK

APPLICATION INVITED...

2009-03-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

Applications Invited For Girl Friend

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts)

I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...

please this is urgent (only females)

Applications are invited for the following post.

The package and incentives are mentioned below:
Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) :• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• bike rides each duration 1 hour
• trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining

The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Please

NOTE:
1. Only females.

2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.

3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected. Search never ends!!Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age.Photo must be in attachment to the email address via
e-mail

Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

BUTT

2009-03-29T01:31:00.000-07:00

i happen to see this picture in the book called "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" .

and put the same here for you too.

HOW TO AVOID ACCIDENT?

2009-03-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

OVER TIME WORK - THEN AND NOW

2009-03-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

(((0)))

CLEVER SALES KID

2009-03-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

The best sale ever

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a

big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many sales did you make today?”
The kid says, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid says, “$101,237.64.”
The boss says, “$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?”
Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and
he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”

The boss said,
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”
Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and
I said, ’

Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing.’

USELESS ASSUMPTION

2009-03-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

ASSUMPTION

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him,

"How much do you earn

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs.2000 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed 6000 bucks cash and gave it to the young man and said,

"Around here I pay people For working, not For standing Around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, and now just GET OUT and don't come back"

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a Few on lookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,

"And that applies for everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,

"Who's the young man that I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came of,

"He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!!!"

As you know the moral is very clear, Assume Nothing

MALE BRAIN

2009-03-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

I HAVE RECIVED THIS PICTURE THROUGH AN E MAIL ..
STATING THIS IS HOW THE MALE BRAIN LOOKS LIKE OR THINKS LIKE....??
I AM NOT SURE WEATHER,THIS INFORMATION IS RIGHT OR WRONG !!??
SO,I AM LEAVING THIS TO YOUR CHOICE.

OBSERVATION

2009-03-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

The art of observation !

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse,

he addressed the class:-
“There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

“Second,” the professor continued, “You must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse’s anus, but licked my index finger?”

INTERVIEW

2009-03-17T00:13:00.001-07:00

A FUNNY INTERVIEW

Officer : What Is Your Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Tell Me Properly

Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Father’s Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer : Your Native Place

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer : What Is Your Qualification?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?

Candidate : Metric Pass

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : And What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir

Officer : Describe Your Personality

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly

Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now

Candidate : M P. Sir

Officer : What Is It Now

Candidate : My Performance….?

Officer : Mp !!!

Candidate : What Is That Sir..?

Officer : Mentally Puncture.

***********************************************************************************

THE WOMEN RULES..

2009-03-15T05:28:00.000-07:00

17 Rules Between Men and Women

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

*****(((((())))))*****

CHILD UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MARRIAGE

2009-03-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Child's View of Marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

6WEEKS,6MONTHS,6YEARS.

2009-03-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.

6 months : Of course I love U.

6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.

6 months : BACK!!

6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.

6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.

6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

6 months : Here, for you.

6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!

6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?

6 years : AGAIN!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.

6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.

6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.

6 months : You bought a new dress again???

6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound?

6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?

6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home??

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

6 months : I like this movie.

6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

WHO WILL MAKE COFFEE IN THE MORNING?

2009-03-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

WHO DOES WHAT?

'A man and his wife were having an argument about

who should brew the coffee each morning.'

The wife said, - "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, - " You are in charge of cooking around here andyou should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, - "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, - "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible,- and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it is indeed says........................ "HEBREWS"

SARDARJI JOKES

2009-03-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

Sardar at bar in New York.

Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”

Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”

Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

***********************************************

Boss : am giving you job as a driver.

STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k ?

Sardar : U R great sir!

Starting salary is o.k…….but?? how much is DRIVING salary…?

***********************************************

Sardar’s theory : -

Moon is more impartant than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed

& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

***********************************************

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.

Sardar thinks “how poetic”Sardar says,

“pass the custard you *******”.!!!

***********************************************

Two sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working,

he puts his head out and says YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…

***********************************************

Sardar shouting to his girl friend ”

you said we will do register marriage and cheated me,

I was waiting for you yesterday whole day in the post office….

***********************************************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach.

He cuts its 1 leg, andsays, “chal”, it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….”

Finally he wrote the conclusion………….

“after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf……”

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ” tamil theriuma??”

Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”

***********************************************

Two sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardarji 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sardarji 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

***********************************************

A sardar on an interview for the post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank you sir for giving me the job,

I will start investigating…….

***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’,

but in the exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ .

he replaced friend with father in the essay and>

it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

***********************************************

Interviewer: what s your qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….

***********************************************

Amitab (koun baneka): In which state Cauvery flows?

Sardar : liquid state…..Audience clapped

Amitab stunned, looks behind,

ALL WERE SARDARS…….

***********************************************

Boss: Where were you born?

sardar : Punjab ..

Boss : which part ?

sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

***********************************************

Two sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

***********************************************

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

***********************************************

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto.

A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for two wheelers.

***********************************************

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have bus pass with me.

***********************************************

Sardar joined new job.

1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

***********************************************

On a romantic day sardar’s girl friend asks him.

Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from land line or mobile.

***********************************************

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours.

Do you want to see anyone before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

***********************************************

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

***********************************************

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I’m falling in love.

***********************************************

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

***********************************************

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

***********************************************

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man.

He has lost his head. Is he crying?

***********************************************

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.

He got irritated…drank poison & said,Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

***********************************************

Banta: YOU cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

***********************************************
In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

***********************************************

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

***********************************************

GIRLS ..

2009-03-07T01:23:00.000-08:00

GIRLS TYPES

Hard Disk Girls:She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls:She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls:Difficult to access.
Server Girls:Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls:She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls:Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

BACHELORS

2009-03-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !! -Anonymous

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. -Scottish Proverb
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a tenyear married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eyeopener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

-Anonymous

I asked my wife, ” Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?” She said,” Somewhere I have never been !” I told her, ” How about the kitchen ?” -Anonymous

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. -Anonymous

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. -Anonymous

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.” -Anonymous

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs…..”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course… At least he’ll shut up after u let him in! -Anonymous

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled ” It really works ! “

Guide to U.S. Newspapers

2009-02-28T09:56:00.000-08:00

US - NEWS PAPERS AND ITS READERS THINKING...

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

STUDENTS AND TEACHER JOKES

2009-02-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?

FRANK : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong

GLENN : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE : Me!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?

GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE : I is…

TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

LOUIS : Because George still had the axe in his hand.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;

__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source:-http://humour.blog.co.in/

'THE MISER WAY OF LIFE'

2009-02-25T18:49:00.000-08:00

LOYAL WIFE

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, ‘When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.’

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ‘Wait, just a minute!’

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, ‘I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’

The loyal wife replied ‘Listen, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.’

‘You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?’

‘I sure did’ said the wife. ‘I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it..’

****************************************************************************

Under The Bed!!

2009-02-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

Jimmy went to a psychiatrist.

“Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”

How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

I’ll sleep on it,” said Jimmy.

Six months later the doctor met Jimmy on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! And nobody(can enter) under there now!!!

' WARM '

2009-02-17T03:51:00.000-08:00

Warm Lover
John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said,

“Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?”

To which she replied, “Honey, I would definitely say that you’re warm.”
“Really?” he said excitedly.

“Yes, in fact I would say that you’re the dictionary definition of the word "warm".”

John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, “WARM: Not so hot.”

BED SECRETS

2009-02-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

THIS WHAT CALLED BED SECRETS?

CAT - PUZZLE?

2009-02-09T09:54:00.001-08:00

NOT YOU

2009-02-08T08:21:00.000-08:00

CALM DOWM HONEY

2009-02-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

HOSTAGE

2009-02-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

JUST DOGS FOR YOU.

2009-01-31T09:05:00.000-08:00

'THIS IS YOUR PETS'

Osho Polack Jokes

2009-01-26T00:14:00.000-08:00

1.And do you know what is written on the bottom of Polish milk bottles?"Open at other end."

2.A Polack was driving his Volkswagen, when suddenly it stopped for some reason. He went to look -- maybe there was some trouble in the engine -- but he could not find the engine. So he thought, "My God, my engine has been stolen!"Just then another Polack stopped by his side. He said, "Is there some trouble?"The first man said, "Yes, it seems my engine has been stolen.

"The man said, "Don't be worried. This morning I was looking at the back of my car -- there is a spare engine. You can take it!"

3.Giant Polish dockworker, Kraczewski, was considered by most of the longshoremen to be a great lover. They claimed he could make love to twenty girls in an hour. When some disbelieving seamen showed up, bets were made and the next night twenty girls were lined up in one of the warehouses.The big Polack went to work. He had made love to the first dozen when suddenly he fell to the floor in a state of exhaustion. His pals rushed up to him screaming, "What happened?"

"I dunno," answered Kraczewaski. "I did okay this afternoon at the rehearsal!"

4.A Pole was working at a construction site where the boss left each day at eleven a.m. and was gone for two hours.

This became such a regular occurrence that the rest of the workers decided to spend those two hours in the bar across the street, but the Polack decided to head home for some extra nookie with his wife. When he arrived home, he found his boss busy banging his wife in the bedroom. Well he walked right out and headed back to the job. The following day, the Polack was working his ass off when everyone headed across to the bar.

"Hey, Ski, aren't you coming?" asked one of them.

"Hell, no!" said the Polack. "I almost got caught yesterday."

5.How do you make a one armed Polack fall off a flagpole?

Answer: You wave to him.

6.Why did the Polish Government import five hundred million tons of sand from Saudi Arabia?Answer: They wanted to drill for their own oil.

7.Did you hear about the Polish lesbian?

Answer: She likes men.

8.Three Polacks, Madia, are standing outside a brothel discussing what prices they are willing to pay for the services inside. They decide that one of them should go inside first while the other two wait outside.Half an hour later, the one who went inside comes out with a gleaming smile across his face.

"What happened? What was it like?" his friends ask.

"Well, I paid five zlotys, went into a room and this tall sexy woman was waiting for me. She took my clothes off, put two pineapple rings over my prick and proceeded to slowly eat them off. It was great!

"The second Polack, pleased with his friend's report, goes inside. An hour later he comes out, a big Cheshire cat grin on his face.

"What happened?" asked the other two.

"Well I paid ten zlotys, and it was the same as our first friend. But this time she put four pineapple rings over my cock and ate them off very very slowly." The third Polack, by this time very horny, rushes in to the brothel and comes out fifteen minutes later with a long, sad face.

"Well," ask his friends, "what's wrong? What happened?"

"Well, begins the sad Polack, "it started off great. I paid twenty zlotys and she put six rings of pineapple over my cock, plus a big scoop of whipped cream."

"Wow!" the friends exclaim.

"That's not all," continues the third, "a handful of crushed nuts, a sugar wafer, hot chocolate sauce, and topped off with a beautiful red cherry."

"That sounds great," one of the others said. "What could possibly make you so sad then?""Well, it looked so fucking good, I ate it myself!"

9.A Polack walks into the office of a circus and offers to jump to the ground from ten meters up, head first, without a net. The manager does not believe this so they go to the stage. The Polack gets up to about ten meters height, takes a deep breath and jumps head first. He crashes down on his head, lies still for a few moments and then gets up.

The manager is fascinated. "That's incredible!" he exclaims. "I'll pay you one hundred dollars a night."The Polack shakes his head.

"Okay, okay, I'll pay you three hundred dollars a night."

"No," replies the Polack.

"I'll pay you a thousand dollars!" says the manager.

"No," says the Polack, "I've changed my mind -- I don't want to jump anymore. I didn't know it would hurt so much!"

10.A Polack discovered that he had three balls. He was so anxious to tell it to someone that he stopped the first man he met on the road and told him, "Do you want to bet that together we have five balls?"He lost his bet... the other guy had only one ball!

11.The old Polack general lived with his young wife in a lonely villa. They kept two guards in front of the house to protect them against intruders.

One night the guards saw that the lights in the general's bedroom were on for a very long time. Suspicious, they snuck up to the window and peeped in. The general's wife was lying on the bed naked, looking quite bored. The Polack general, also naked, was anxiously walking around the room with a pistol in his hand.Suddenly he stopped, looked down at his groin and shouted, "Stand up like a man or I'll shoot!"

12.A Polack landowner has been wondering for quite a while about the quietness of his barnyard during the mid-day breaks. One day he decides to find out what's behind it all, so he steps out discreetly and sees his farmhand crossing the yard with pants open and disappearing into the barn. The landowner calls his servant back and asks him what's going on inside the barn.

"Well, sir, we've got quite a jolly game going on in there. The girls hide their heads in the hay and then have to guess who did it!"

"That sounds like fun," replies the Polack landowner. "Can I join you?"

"I guess so," says the farmhand. "Your wife has been at it for six weeks already!"

13.Kyacki's son had been acting a little strange lately, so Kyacki took him to a psychiatrist.

"Tell me, son," questioned the shrink, "how many wheels does an auto have?"

"Four. "

"Very good," said the doctor. "Now what is it a cow has four of that a woman has two?"

"Legs."

"And what does your father have that your mother likes most?"

"Money."

The psychiatrist turned to Kyacki and said, "You don't have to worry about him -- he's smart!"

"He sure is!" said the Polack. "I missed the last two questions myself!"

14.Two Polacks go to see a Western movie. In the middle of the film a cowboy, mounted on a white horse, and an Indian, mounted on a black horse, begin to race each other across the plain.

The first Polack turns to his friend and says, "I'll bet you fifty dollars that the black horse gets to the river before the white horse."

"Okay, you're on!" exclaims the second Polack.

A few seconds later, the white horse and his rider splash into the river ten lengths ahead of the black horse."Listen," said the second Polack after a pause, "I can't take your money. I have seen this movie before and I knew that the white horse would win."

"Ah!" said the first Polack. "I have seen it twice before... but that black horse got off to such a good start THIS time! "

15.The sawmill foreman hired Sofronski, led him to a buzz saw and explained how it worked. He warned Sofronski that it was extremely dangerous, and left him alone.

Sofronski, fascinated by the saw, reached out a probing finger toward it. One second later the finger was gone. Sofronski screamed in pain, bringing the foreman on the run.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Your saw cut my finger off."

"Well," asked the foreman, "what did you do wrong?"

"I don't know!" said the Polack. "I just touch it like this... ow! Damn, there go another one!"

16.A gorilla in the zoo died. His female companion, after a few months, began getting violent as her need for sex increased. The zookeepers decided to get a man to make love to her. They picked up a Polack down on skid row and offered him twenty dollars for the job.

They muzzled the she-ape, tied her arms to the bars, and let the Polack gingerly into her cage. When the gorilla saw the guy had an erection, she suddenly ripped her arms loose from the bars and began crushing him in her embrace. "Help!" he shouted. "For God's sake, help!"

"Don't worry," the keeper shouted back, "we'll get an elephant-gun and shoot her."

"No! No! Don't shoot her. Just get her muzzle off -- I wanna kiss her!"

17.A Polack goes into the doctor's surgery with both his ears burnt.

"I have never seen such a case," exclaims the doctor.

"What on earth happened?"

"I was ironing my clothes," explains the Polack, "when the phone rang."

"But what about the other ear?" asks the doctor.

"Well," replies the Polack, "I had to phone for the ambulance."

COURTESY:- OSHO

LITTLE CHILD

2009-01-25T07:56:00.000-08:00

Pathan's joke

2009-01-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

Pathan's joke

80,000 Pathans meet in the Peshawar Stadium for a "Pathans Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Pathans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A Pathan works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 PAthans start cheering, "Give him another chance!

Give him another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of

getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide

press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can

give him another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says,

"Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets

out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the Pathan

starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands

shouting,

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,

eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"

The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,

"Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000

pathans jump to their feet, wave their arms,

stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

FELL IN SLEEP?

2009-01-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

SLEEPING TO THE CORE!!

GET YOUR " PNR STATUS " THROUGH MOBILE PHONE

2009-01-04T00:15:00.000-08:00

GET 'PNR' STATUS FROM MOBILE

Indian Railway passengers,good news for you.

Very useful for all train travelers.
Indian Railways in collaboration with

Google is now providing a 10 digit mobile number.

Just 'SMS your PNR number' on this mobile number and

instantaneously you will get your ticket's current status .
Along with all other journey related details.

The number is- 9773300000.
No need to prefix 0 or +91. Best of all,

you don't pay a premium charge for any of this,

just the price of a standard SMS. For more details: http://www.google.co.in/mobile/default/sms/

LIFE BEFRORE THE ' IT '

2009-01-03T06:36:00.000-08:00

OUR LIFE WERE DIFFERENT BEFORE THE COMPUTER AGE.

MUSIC MANIAC

2009-01-02T02:30:00.000-08:00

funny

2009-01-02T02:15:00.000-08:00

TOILET HUNGAMA

2009-01-02T00:22:00.000-08:00

NO WHERE TO GO..BUT WITHIN.
AN AWESOME CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO GUYS FROM THE NEAR BY TOILETS

Touble click on this 'ABOVE' to have a enlarged view for better readability.

WISH YOU ALL A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR 2009

2008-12-31T11:15:00.001-08:00

HI MY DEAR VALUABLE READER AND BLOG VISITORS,

"I WISH YOU ALL 'A WONDERFUL

NEW YEAR - 2009''
ALSO WISH YOU ALL TO ATTAIN

GREAT PROSPERTY UNTO YOUR LIFE.

"USE ALL YOUR EFFORTS TO ACHIVE
A NEW THING TO
THE NEW HEIGHTS
FROM THIS NEW YEAR"
-LOVE

LIFE ON WHEELS

2008-12-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

One of my previous posts, i have posted a picture like this above called 'Life in Windows'. Now the similar kind of picture here above called 'The Wheels Of Life.' How nice life definition can be compressed in a simple format/picture like this.

BEE BITE

2008-12-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

Incurably Fuuny Patient

please doctor help me. i have been stung by a bee.

Doctor - Dont worry . i will put some cream on it.

Patient - you will never find the bee. it must be miles away by now.

Doctor - No no please understand. i will put some cream on the place u were stung.

Patient -oh! it happened in the garden where i was sitting under a tree.

Doctor - u #$%& ! i mean in which part of the body did the bee sting.

Patient- it stung me on my finger.

Doctor - which one?

patient -how am i to know ? all the bees look the same to me

METRO MANNERS- IN JAPAN

2008-12-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

THESE CARICATURES ARE NOT JUST FOR FUN.INFACT IT CARRY OUTS A GREAT TEACHING OF MANNERS IN THE METRO TRAINS OR IN THE PUBLIC.IT IS CAPTURED IN JAPAN.

LIFE IN WINDOWS

2008-12-27T07:16:00.000-08:00

OUR LIFE IS WITHIN A FEW WINDOWS OR BEETWEEN MANY WINDOWS

FUN CARTOONS

2008-12-27T01:46:00.000-08:00

I GOT THIS FUN CARTOONS FROM ANOTHER BLOG.

THE WEEK WORK CHART

2008-12-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

THIS ABOVE IS THE WEEK WORK CHART FOR THE EMPLOYEES BY THEIR AGE WISE.

THEY ALL GO HAND IN HAND ON EVERY WEDNESDAY.YOU FIND OU WHY IT IS SO?

NOTHING MATTERS

2008-12-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

ITS VERY CUTE AND THE MEANING IS SO...GREAT..

GIVING ADVERTISEMENT TO THE NEWS PAPER

2008-12-25T07:47:00.000-08:00

Ad In The Paper

The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call.

A woman on the other end asked,

"How much do funeral notices cost?"

"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.

"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."

"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that.!!

" A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

" OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "

LOVE LETTER WRITTEN BY HR-MANAGER

2008-12-24T01:35:00.000-08:00

Check this out.

How a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girl friend?

Juliet

Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

HR Manager

ENGLISH -IT IS VERY CUTE

2008-12-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

CUTE - ENGLISH ...

IS IT BIT CONFUSING YOU?

THESE THIRTEEN QUESTIONS WILL CONFUSE YOU.

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP ?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil comefrom?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from

Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?11. If you take an oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Humans ?

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this?

JOKES - COMPUTER VIRUSES

2008-12-20T03:06:00.000-08:00

Types of computer viruses:-

Adam and Eve virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus:
Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus:
This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus:
Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus:
Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus:
Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus:
Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee.

David Duke virus:
Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus:
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus:
Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus:
Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus:
If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus:
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus:
probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus:
Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus:
Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus:
Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus:
Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus:
Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus:
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus:
Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus:
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus:
Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus:
Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus:
Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

SOURCE:- from aha! jokes.THANKS TO AHA JOKES

SMILE.AS YOU PLEASE

2008-12-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

SMILE,AS YOU PLEASE

Try SmilingWhen the weather suits you not,

Try smiling.When the coffee isn't hot,

Try smiling.

When your neighbours don't do right,

Or your relatives all fight,Sure 'tis hard,

but then you might Try smiling.

Doesn't change the things,

of course Just smiling.

But it cannot make them worseJust smiling

And it seems to help your case,

Brightens up a gloomy place,

Then, it sort of rests your face Just Keep Smiling

NEED OF COCKROACHES

2008-12-15T02:51:00.000-08:00

Customer: "Do you have any cockroaches?

" Clerk: "Yes, we sell them to the fishermen."

"I would like 20,000 of them."

"What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches? "

"I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says , I must leave

my apartment in the condition in which I found it."

THE INNER RESOURCE MANAGEMENT

2008-12-14T23:47:00.000-08:00

HI VIEWERS/READERS OF THIS BLOG,
VIST THIS BLOG. WHICH HAS SO MANY INTRESTING ARTICLES ,ESPECIALLY
FOR YOU SCHOOL GOING CHILDREN.
HERE IS THE LINK:-http://innerresourcemanagement.blogspot.com/

IT IS AN INVITATION TO EXPLORE AND EXPERIENCE THE RICH-RESOURCES AVAILABLE WITHIN YOU.
IT IS , JUST AN ART AND SCIENCE. IT IS A PURE BLOSSOMING OF YOUR OWN-SELF. BY USING ALL YOUR ENERGYS IN A SYNCHRONIZED PATTERN AND HITTING /ALLOW THE SEED TO GROW UNTO ITS ULTIMATE FLOWRING.

for the 'IRM ' workshops:- mail to us at- focustheuniverse@gmail.com

LOVELY WIFE'S

2008-12-13T06:54:00.000-08:00

THE WIFE'S ARE OFTEN CALLED BETTER-HALF'S.

IT IS A TRUE STATEMENT.SEE THESE ABOVE PICTURE'S HOW DEVOTED THE WIFE'S ARE TO THEIR HUSBAND'S . MANY HUSBANDS ARE ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR WIFE TAHT THEY ARE NOT LISTENING TO THEM AT ALL.

THE HUSBANDS(WHO FEELS SO) ARE ALL DOMINATED BY THEIR WIFE'S. THOSE HUSBANDS CAN HAVE A BETTER LOOK OF THIS ABOVE PHOTO'S, AND ATLEAST LET THESE TYPES HUSBAND'S DREAM ONCE BY IMAGINING

" THEIR WIFE'S ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE AND OBEDIENT " LIKE THIS ABOVE.

KADI JOKES

2008-12-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

just for fun

MINDBLOWING: VIJAYAKANTH'S Dialogues in English

1) YOU can study and get any certificates. But You cannot get Your death certificate

2) YOU may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze you will say HUTCH .

3 )YOU can bcome an engineer if you study in engineering college. you can not become a president if you studies in Presidency College.

4 ) YOU can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... you cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5) A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software.

6 ) YOU can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup.

7)YO U can find keys in Keyboard but you can not find mother in motherboard.

How is it ? HA HA...

CARTOONS-JOKES

2008-12-08T03:51:00.000-08:00

I HOPE YOU MAY NOT NEED THE HELP OF MY WORDS....

PLEASE HELP YOURSELF TO SMILE!!

FUNNY IMAGES FOR YOU

2008-12-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

HI HOW DO YOU FEEL.AFTER SEEING THESE FUNNY IMAGES.LOOK REALLY AWESOME IS NOT IT?

FAKE FOOD COVER

2008-12-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

SEE THIS ABOVE TWO PICTURE'S.DON'T THINK THE BREAD SLICE IS SPOILED ON THE SECOND PICTURE.IT IS A FAKE MARKED PLASTIC COVER.SO THAT WE CAN AVOID SOMEBODY (CO-STUDENTS) EATING OUR FOOD .THEY THINK IT IS SPOILED AND LEAVE AS IT IS.THAT MAKE REAL SENSE AND YOU NEVER NEED TO MISS YOUR LUNCH.NO BODY WILL STEAL YOUR FOOD.YOUR FOOD IS SECURED. AM I RIGHT!! HOW IS IT?

HOW MANY ISSUES?

2008-11-30T22:46:00.000-08:00

how many kids will you have? it all depends on your hubby's job....

Four husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives birth giving.

Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,

"Congratulations, you got twins!". "Oohh.. maybe its a coincident!" said the daddy. "I am working with the Petronas Twin Towers!".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,

"Congratulations! You have triplets!" "Wooow!, this is a coincidence too." said the second daddy."I am working for 3M Corporation.

"Another nurse came out and told the third daddy,

"Congratulations! Your wife got quadriplets!" "Thank God! Maybe this is also a coincidence.""I work in the Four Seasons Hotel."

The fourth daddy-to-be was very worried.

All the 3 daddies asked him, "Why are you so worried??"

He answered, "I am working @ Seven-Eleven!"

NEWTON'S LOVE LAW FOR TODAY

2008-11-26T05:34:00.000-08:00

Newton in Romantic Mood

Universal law of Love: " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law of Love: " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

Second law of Love: " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

Third law of Love: " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

HOW TO MANAGE TELE-MARKETER

2008-11-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

IN OUR TODAY , THE SO CALLED MODERN WORLD WE HAVE DEVISED MANY MANY INTRUMNETS DUE TO THE ADVANDAGE OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY.NO DOUBTS ALL THESE TECHNOLOGY BROUGHT US LOT OF COMFROTS AND CONVENIENCES.BUT AT THE SAME TIME ONE CAN NOT REFUSE EVERY ADDITIONAL COMFORTS WILL ALSO BRING ANOTHER ADDITIONAL OF A DIS-COMFORT.

ONE OF SUCH ITEMS ARE MOBILE PHONE AND THE CALL FROM THE UN-KNOWN TELE-MARKETERS.THAT TOO WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY IN A MEETING/DISCUSSION OR IN THE TRAFFIC...THEY REALLY MAKE YOU IRRITATED AND SPOIL YOUR MOOD.HOW TO AVOID THEM ? JUST TRY THESE IDEA'S...

8 Ways To Scare A Telemarketer

1. Ask him to talk v-e-r-y slowwwwwwwwly, tell him that because you want to write down every word he says

2. When he introduces himself (eg "John"), immediately say, "Wah piang eh!, John! Long time no see, How are you? How is your life going on? Are you still living in that same old place?" This should stun John for a while, as he scrambles to remember where he might know you from

3. After he finishes marketing spiel, tell him he must marry you first before you sign on

4. If he says he's Ah Boon Sheng from XYZ Pte Ltd, ask him to spell his name first. Once he finishes then ask him to spell his company name. Then ask him where it's located. Continue asking him personal questions or questions about the company until he gives you up

5. Insist that caller is actually your friend Ben, playing a joke. "ello, Ben, Don't like that leh! Stop playing this fool! I know its you!!! Seriously, Ben, How is your Mom doing? Is she out from the hospital yet?" and talk more till he ends your call

6. After he finishes his pitch, say in very creepy voice, "Thank you for calling me. I don't have many friends...do you want to be my friend?"

7. If he asks, "How are you?" Tell him, "Wah Lau, got so many problems. My fish all died in my fish tank, then my mother and father had this big arguments until the neighbours called the police, and then lagi worse, don't know why, but my right leg was itching the whole day, so I went to the clinic and then..." continue until you hear beep beep beep from the other end

8. Tell him you're busy at the moment, and ask him for his home number so you can call him back. He'll try to give you his office number, but insist on his home number as you will be busy whole day can call only night. When he says he can't give his home number, ask him, "you don't want some funny stranger calling you up at home and disturbing you, is it?"

FUNNY PICTURES FOR YOU

2008-11-24T04:18:00.000-08:00

LOVE AND AFFECTION

GUESS? ...BABY IS VERY SINCERE.

LETTER FROM THE HOME.AFTER A LONG WAITING...

FREE ELECTRICITY? TAKING LIFE GRANTED.

JOKES-AH BENG'S

2008-11-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

Ah Beng's Jokes

1.Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My MobileNo. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310.
Now it is 66102.

2.Ah Beng: I am so Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

3.Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game/Match.

4.Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

5.Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know?
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD!
U have come again.

6.Ah Beng complained to the police: -
"Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
"Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."

7.Ah Beng comes back To his car & find a note saying
"Parking Fine"He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole
"Thanks for compliment."

8.How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
at the board.

9.Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. !!
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand
it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

10.Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up andSays "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

11.Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

12.Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "you will go to jail"

13. Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!
"Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

14. A man asked Ah Beng, why Prime Minister goes walking in the
Evening and not in the morning. ?
Ah Beng replied Prime Minister is PM not AM.

FAMILY PROBLEMS

2008-11-20T22:21:00.000-08:00

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,

'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.'

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...

I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, Talking about love marriages...

I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my

grandmother.

More

problems occurred when I had a son.

My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..

And you say you have family problems...

PAIN

2008-11-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

Doctor Joke
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?"

asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little morespecific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,

"Ow, that hurts."

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,"Ouch! That hurts, too."

Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, evenTHAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her hisdiagnosis,

"You have a broken finger."

FUNNY PICTURES FOR YOU

2008-11-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

THE TREE HAS AN EYES,BUT THE BIRD IS NOT HAVING IT SEEMS....SO?

BECAUSE THE BIRD IS SITTING ON TOP OF THE SIGN BOARD ITSELF,

WHICH CATIONS THE BIRDS NOT TO STAND THERE.

CHILD QUESTIONS FATHER?

2008-11-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

Daddy...How was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?

' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway !

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...

You'll love this ....

---- 'You Got Male!'

FUNNY PICTURES

2008-11-11T22:17:00.000-08:00

SEE THIS FUNNY PICTURES.HOW DO YOU FEEL? LET ME KNOW IT.

WHAT IS FOR DINNER?

2008-11-10T05:50:00.000-08:00

What is for Dinner?

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think mywife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you.

"The old man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,"What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for Supper?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf bastard!

"Moral: Before you blame others, Make sure that you are free from flaw..